When I became pregnant with my fourth son (yes, I have four boys!) I knew what to expect.

I had experience.

I knew what pregnancy would be like.

I knew what would happen when I was in labor and what happens afterwards.

I knew what procedures would take place: weighing my baby, measuring, taking his temperature, and checking his heart beat.

I knew about how many days we would be in the hospital, and I knew that the next morning when I woke up, somebody would knock on our door asking me if we would be circumcising our son.

What was so different about this time around is that I would firmly and proudly say “no” to circumcision

“No, this time we will not be cutting our son’s foreskin off.”

When I was pregnant with my first three sons, I did not ask any questions, I did not read one word of research about this surgery.

Nothing.

Why?! Why did I not investigate at all? Mostly because circumcision is “just what you do” when you have a boy, right? You have this perfect healthy baby boy, then the next day, the nurses wheel him away from your room and perform the circumcision. They bring your baby boy back and tell you he did great and everything went fine. I, like a lot of mothers, smiled and went on with my life.

Somewhere near the beginning of my pregnancy with my fourth son, the issue of circumcision came up in a mom group I was a member of. I didn’t really have anything to add to the discussion, so I just browsed through the comments.

I read a mother’s comment saying, “God made your son perfect, and there is no need to change him.” Something inside me shifted in that moment. What she said made so much sense. Why do this to my baby? Why put him through this?

I began to read about the process, and I was shocked. I turned to my husband and said, “I don’t want to get our baby circumcised.” He agreed. I’m sure he could see the panic in my eyes, the pain, regret, and the urgency in my voice.

When baby Joseph was born, I was so grateful that day in the hospital

Why?

I knew that he would nurse great because he wouldn’t be feeling the effects of the medication from the procedure and thus would be fully awake. I also knew he wouldn’t feel the effects of the trauma he just endured.

And no surprise, he did nurse like a champ.

I was relieved that day, because I would not have to open his diaper slowly because there would be no dried blood stuck to his penis.

I would not have to worry about an infection.

I would not have to grimace at his high pitched cries of pain when he was trying to urinate.

I would not have to picture him strapped naked and cold to a table.

I would not have to weep at his feelings of being lost and confused, having no idea what was coming next.

I would never have flashes of him in my head screaming in pain after the cut.

Now that I know the truth, I do see my other three boys go through this in my head every so often.

I was so grateful to have read that comment from the mother that woke something in me

I will forever regret not keeping my first three sons fully intact. I live with the guilt every day. Some days it is overwhelming, but I see my son Joseph and I am proud. Since I cannot go back in time and change my choices, I want to share my story with other parents.

This is not meant to judge others for their actions. This is not to make anybody feel bad. This is my story.

And my story might have been completely different if even one person would have spoken up to me earlier. Maybe one, two, or all of my other sons would have been spared had someone shared the facts with me then.

If you take anything away from this, I hope it is to speak up.

I hope it is to do the reading, do the research. Don’t just do it because that’s what everybody does.

Remember my regret and know: God made your son perfect, and there is no need to change him.